Tragedy

 While it is not a topic that  really fits with the theme of this blog, it is difficult to not comment on the mass shooting of last Wednesday 9/27.  This one hit way too close to home.  That morning I saw a brief news clip about an active shooter at Annunciation Church, very close to where I grew up.  I was heading out to golf, and tried to get more details as to what was going on and the number of victims.  While golfing, I occasionally checked m phone for updates.  I then had a call from a good friend, Ron, who just left a short message to call him.  I figured it was something about our upcoming golf trip, and would call him later.  I then got a text from a mutual friend, informing me that Ron's 8 year old grandson, Fletcher, was killed in the shooting.  I fell apart.  I called Ron back, and could barely talk through the tears.  He had spent the morning with his daughter and family trying to track down Fletcher.  They started at the school, and then to two different hospitals, with no luck and not knowing what happened to him.  They finally learned the awful news.  

How many times have we been through this since Columbine in 1999. Just checked, and there have been over 70 copycat type attacks since then (on closer look, 21 resulted in attacks and the rest were thwarted.)  You don't even have to read the papers as they are filled with the same stories.  The heartbreak and shock.  The heroic actions of those on the scene. The terror, the grief and the mourning of families and friends.  Then the opinion pieces on the need to do something, and the letters to the editor demanding action, and others saying guns are not the problem.  You can delude yourself into thinking this would not happen here, and then it does, and in a very close and personal way.

Some articles included reactions from parents who lost kids in a previous shooting several years ago.  One father said he thought he was now at a point where he was dealing better with his loss and trauma.  But, he said all it took was hearing about this one and he was immediately thrown back to his loss and reliving the entire incident.  So maybe this post is not too far off the theme.  Even though the circumstances here are vastly different than the loss of Everett, they both involve the death of kids, Everett at age 10 and Fletcher age 8.  To have a kid's life taken by such a mindless random act of malice is so  difficult to grasp. But to lose a 10 year old, even though we had a long process of dealing with the ups and downs of Everett's illness, is equally hard to grasp.  And, dealing with a friend's loss of his grandson, catapulted me right back to the last days of Everett's life.  No families should have to face such sorrow.  I'm sure Sarah and all the rest of the family had similar flashbacks.  I've hesitated to even talk to them about this, as I don't want to reopen these wounds.  

The wound of losing a child probably never fully heals.  There will always be a gaping hole there.  But as the cliche states, "life goes on."  I don't want to lose Everett.  I also don't want to keep revisiting the pain of his loss.  That will always be there in some way.  I do want to always have Everett as a part of my life, remembering the fun and the joy of playing with him and watching him grow into a witty, intelligent beautiful young boy.  I guess in a small way, this is how I keep him alive, and how I am continuing to deal with what life gives us.  We’re heading to Fletcher’s funeral this afternoon. I’ll be joining Ron on a short golf trip north on Wednesday. While he’s looking forward to a break from the pain, I’m sure we’ll have a few things to discuss.